the smoking vegans

Wednesday, April 13, 2005


Liberals prioritize

Right now: Somewhere in Iraq, a child is getting a limb sheered off by a cluster bomblet. Somewhere in Canada, a pack of seals are being clubbed. Somewhere in Palestine, a home is being bulldozed. Somewhere in the U.S., a liberal is outraged... about smoking in bars.

If there's one thing I love, it's having a smoke with my beer and vegan bar food. Also, liberals who know how to prioritize.

With all the pitched struggles for social justice being carried on around the world at this very moment, the pet struggle of liberals all over the U.S. is the smoking ban in bars. Oh, that and they're fucking bars, assholes. Bans in restaurants-- that's one thing. But fucking bars? If you go to one regularly enough that you're worried the smoke around you might negatively affect your health, chances are you should be worrying more about your liver.

The letters to the editor are always the same. "My husband and I would go out to the bars more, but we hate coming home to our sleeping three-year-old smelling like cigarettes." Bullshit. You assholes still stay at home even after the bans pass. You just advocate that shit out of some stilted sense of self-righteousness. And as a result, the business bars see is starting to hurt, especially around areas near bordering states without smoking bans, or in states where only certain counties have smoking bans. On that note, the bans can also encourages drunk driving. But you probably weren't thinking of that, were you?

No. You were probably thinking about how much better you'll be able to sleep at night now that I can't have a fucking smoke with my drink after a long-ass day at work. You probably think that I'll magically decide to quit since I can barely light up in public without getting a sideways glance from one of you fuckers. You probably think I'll quit, and one day I'll thank you for it. You're no better than the assholes who want to stick the ten commandments on every flat surface of every public place.

Perhaps I should push for a hamburger ban. You know, just for you. Did you know they're probably hurting your health? All the carcinogens in ground round? Heck, even the smoke that's produced from grilling beef is loaded with carcinogens. Maybe I should just advocate a grilling ban. Yup. No more front yard cookouts with your precious husband and three-year-old. Besides, meat and dairy are environmentally reckless and extremely wasteful of natural resources. In fact, you might say animal products are a much worse habit than me putting one sort of smoke or another into my own two quasi-functional lungs.

And really, you omni piece of shite, why should I have to pay for your hospital bill when you get colon cancer from all the animal product you consume? That doesn't seem very fair, does it? But you know why I'm not pushing all of that bullshit as legislation? Because I can fucking prioritize! And you know what current global/local affairs are more important than passing bans about whether or not I choose smoke, or whether or not you choose to eat meat? ALL OF THEM!

Don't worry though-- I'm sure the Iraqi child, the clubbed seals, and the newly homeless Palestinian family are all really happy for you now that you have freed the bars from the tyranny of the smokers. Congratulations. I hope you win the fucking Nobel Prize, jagoff.

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